The year was 1997. I was 12, and an avid reader of some very reputable journalistic sources like YM Magazine and Tiger Beat. My room was plastered with every single Got Milk poster that ever existed, and I had the Vengaboys on repeat on my discman.
Minor detail: I was also in love with 4 men (and by men, I mean 13 to 21 year-olds. As a 12 year old, they all seemed like men at the time).
These were those men:
1. Leonardo DiCaprio IN ROMEO AND JULIET
“IN ROMEO AND JULIET” is capitalized because I need to stress that I had a thing for Leo WAY before that Titanic bandwagon. This was the real deal. Keep in mind that this was shortly after he starred in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and looked more like this:
I was an early Leo adopter, and proceeded to further unite myself with him by means of my AIM username. See what I mean?
For those of you who read it “Leo Snot Bi,” you’re so very wrong. For those of you who read it “Leo’s Not Bi”, we’re going to be BFF. The only reason I made this my screename was because “LeOsHot” was taken, and this was the alternative suggestion AIM provided me. Thanks, AIM.
2. Taylor Hanson from Hanson. Not Isaac, who was definitely maybe from the paleolithic era, and definitely not their hot 10 year old sister, Zach.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was watching TGIF and the yearly Christmas special was on. I LOVED TGIF’s CHRISTMAS SPECIALS! My reaction: “What’s this?! 3 long haired boys in the throes of puberty sitting on stools singing Little Drummer Boy?!” Yes, please.
You can watch the Christmas special here. Try and tell me that you didn’t just fall in love, you creeper.
Side note: It was later discovered that Taylor Hanson married a fan and popped out 5 babies, the first one when he was 19. How I wished I was that fan.
3. Prince William
What a sensitive soul. His mom died when he was 14, and he had to take care of his poor ginger brother, too. I watched that whole funeral from beginning to end like a morbid sicko. I was 12 – who let me watch that? In the 7th grade, I even wrote an essay about the impact Princess Diana made on the world, and somehow managed to mention William 4 times. It was a one page essay and Prince William was maybe 14.
I had mini fantasies about becoming the future queen of England, but not before being the first Asian duchess. Charles and I would bond over polo and chuckle about British things like the Spice Girls, David Beckham, Elton John, and his very terrible but intriguing affair with Camilla for hours before heading inside for tea.
4. Rufio – aka That Kid from Hook
I’m not sure what it was – it might have been the red mohawk, but it was the probably the crop top that really reeled me in. Rufio was legit. He was the only Asian person in that whole slew of Lost Boys! He also had that special ability to make real food appear from his imagination, and then start an epically messy food fight. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve tried to do this myself at work. I cried when Hook stabbed Rufio, because Dustin Hoffman is such a bastard.
If these 4 teenage studmuffins had anything in common, it’s that they were all white, skinny, sensitive souls (well, except for Rufio). I clearly had a type. Ironically, my fiance is Korean and a 6’3 giant from the amazon. Let’s just say that if all 5 of these guys were quintuplets in the womb, he could have eaten them during the beginning of the 3rd trimester.
I’m so glad it’s not 1997 anymore.