That time I tried to lie

I’m a terrible liar. The worst, really. Every time I try to tell a seemingly harmless white lie, I start sweating uncontrollably, turn bright purplish red, and my left eyelid starts twitching really fast. I also forget to breathe. The last time I tried to lie was back in February. It went something like this: […]

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The internal monologue of my wedding day

Last October, I married my BFF for life. As I’ve mentioned before, I never thought getting married was a real possibility (see past references to eating Taco Bell in my car, making homemade turmeric face masks at 3am, and my devastatingly unsexy sleeping attire), so this was a huge moment for me. It was like […]

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Wedding day songs that seem OK but aren’t

So, to everyone’s surprise, I’m getting married. I’m sure that at one point in life (probably when I was a sophomore in college, probably when I would eat Taco Bell alone in a car, and probably when I occasionally purchased clothing items and accessories from Hot Topic) my parents thought this was a fairly far-fetched […]

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Cautionary tales for my future daughter

6 years ago, I never thought about having kids. I was eating In N Out on a biweekly basis and shamelessly sauntering – yes, on foot – through any drive through to get it. Drinking Melon Vodka in a Ralph’s handicap bathroom was a regular pastime (I was with friends, OK. Put your judgy expressions […]

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The armpit violation

It was 3:30pm on Wednesday, the time when I usually opted for one of the following scintillating activities at the office: Talking to Glen, the mail guy about his preference of packaging envelopes Purchasing a package of Babybel cheese from the corner store, and then eating all 5 cheese circles at the same sitting  Reading […]

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